A little over a year ago I found out that my life, and that of my husband’s as well, was taking a HUGE turn. It wasn’t enough that in 2003 we had both gotten divorced from our respective previous spouses, had met each other and found love once again. Or that we had moved in together in my home in Marlborough MA and I decided to get a dog, then Buster the beagle moved in with us, and then we thought “Let’s move closer to where we work” so we sold that house and moved to Waltham to a lovely little cape that had everything we could ask for, a doggie door into the fenced in backyard, an inground pool and walls that needed no painting whatsoever. We added yet another dog to our family. No, apparently the universe had other, bigger plans for us. In May of 2006, things took an even bigger turn, when we discovered that at the age of 41 I was expecting a baby. My first, (and only!), Bob’s third.
At first I was a bit freaked. I mean, I had not expected to do this with my life, EVER. Bob and I had other visions for our future together, like traveling, sleeping late on weekends, coming and going almost whenever we pleased. That kind of thing. I suppose I am somewhat to blame here, and not in the way you are thinking. In January 2006, right after the new year, I had been thinking to myself, and offering up to the universe the thought that I would like to do something meaningful with my life. Or more meaningful than I was already doing working in higher education helping students achieve their educational and life goals. What I didn’t do was get more specific. I thought things like “Hm, maybe Habitat for Humanity would be a good idea”. What I should have said was “I think WORKING for Habitat for Humanity would be a good idea” so that the universe, in its infinite wisdome wouldn’t decide I should BECOME a habitat for humanity. It is my advice to anyone who is trying to follow the teachings of The Secret, or any other sort of positive visualization practice that you be VERY specific when possible with your vision for your future, or else you may end up with results that on review closely resemble your life list, but are slightly off from what you were anticipating.
Now that I have said all that, I cannot say I am sorry that this has happened. I am still very shell shocked on almost a daily basis. It was a rough ride at the end of my pregnancy, when I had to have an emergency C-section at 32 weeks to prevent further health problems for me from developing. On November 11, 2006 Cooper Jackson Tanski arrived at 5am in the world at 4lbs 4oz. He spent 18 days in the special care nursery at Newton-Wellesley Hospital before he came home. He slept almost continually, taking a few breaks for food here and there, the first couple of months of life. 6 months into our adventure as Cooper’s parents we have a mostly healthy son (two rounds of viral diarrhea in the last two months and two colds) who is very happy and laughs a lot. But it is hard getting up in the middle of the night for the bottles, and early in the morning when he decides it is time to start the day. I have given birth to a morning person, there is no doubt about it. Fortunately his father is also pretty good in the morning.
He has certainly changed our lives, and has provided the opportunity to do something so meaningful and fabulous that I couldn’t even envision something more meaningful now. So what if I will be 60 when he goes to college. So what if I already feel like my knees are never going to survive his toddler years and he hasn’t even begun crawling yet. I feel that I have the potential to be a much better mother now than I would have been had I done this 20 years ago. I am more financially, emotionally and spiritually stable now. I have found a fabulous husband who loves being a dad. Not that the guys I dated in college would not be or are not great dads, I just cannot imagine having had children at that age and with them. This is by far the best way for this to have happened.
So here is to going with the flow, going through that door when life presents you with the chance, and being courageous in the face of new and really scarey opportunities.