A rose by any other name…

My latest delimma is if I should change my name. I have been married twice, the second time to my current husband and father of my child. Neither time did I change my name to my husbands. The first time I didn’t want to have a name that rhymed, and it would have. In fact my name would have rhymed with the college I work for too. I could have created my own limerick. As it turned out, not changing it made getting divorced a whole lot easier. That is NOT why I haven’t changed it this time. It is a BIG PAIN IN THE BUTT changing your name. There is the Social Security Administration to start with, the DMV, all of your bank and credit card and other accounts. Then there is my sense of identity. I have had this name for almost 44 years. It is just a name, but it is MY name. And while I am not on the stage or screen, it is how I am known professionally as well. I have been in my industry for almost 20 years, so I have a history.

My child has my husband’s last name. Which is good because I would not have named him Cooper if he was going to have mine. There would have been alliteration, and I am not a fan of alliteration in names. I am wondering if he will be perplexed by us having different last names, if it will bother him at all. And god forbid anything happened by way of medical emergency with Cooper, or his father for that matter, would someone question my connection to them and prevent me from being there until I could prove I am the parent or spouse of the individual?

Ugh. I don’t know. I really don’t want the hassle, but is it worth it? My husband never had an issue with me not changing my name, but occaisionally indicates that he wouldn’t MIND if I changed it to his. This doesn’t even begin to touch on my thoughts on why the woman changes her name and not the man. I will save that rant for a different venue. But it is highly unlikely that Bob would consider changing his name, so it is up to me – to change or not to change, does it really make a difference? Maybe I will wait until he is old enough to understand the concept and see if it matters to him and decide then.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “A rose by any other name…

  1. Oz

    I didn’t change my name, either. I’ve had moments of worrying that Axel’s last name is different than mine, but I figure that, with the number of divorced parents & babies born to unmarried folks, there’s got to be enough different-last-name parents & kids running around for it not to be tooo big of an issue. Maybe I’ll just start carrying around a copy of his birth certificate in case there is some sort of dire emergency that requires ID at the hospital.Social Security is a total bitch. I just had to go down to the local office because they’ve had my birthdate wrong, apparently since my mom filed for my SSN. They’ve been taking my taxes for years, and it never came up until I tried to efile. It’s going to take another 6 weeks to fix, and it’s just a typo. Arrrggggh….

  2. I kept my name even though I love my husband desperately and his name is a classy upgrade. It’s for my career and because I saw my mother, who had a long and happy marriage, disappear to her friends. Hugo gets Dad’s name, and any hurt feelings my man had disappeared because #1 his son gets his name and #2 He knows I’m not budging even though my last name is sillier. 🙂

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