Lately everyone in my life is talking A LOT. Not The Bob, but the Coop is definitely on some sort of talking marathon. And I cannot find the off button. The other day I was getting ready for work and he decided he should be upstairs with me, and it was NON STOP. “Mama, what are you doing”, “Mama, what was that sound you are making”, “I am pretending this belt is a rope, I swing on it”, “Mama, where are you” and so on. I was exhausted and it wasn’t even 7am yet.
Tonight we had a new yoga instructor, who was subbing for our regular instructor. His name is Fez, and he talked the entire class. I know most people think of yoga as this very spiritual, quiet experience. And that is true of some classes and styles of teaching. Not so much in Iyangar yoga, and DEFINITELY not for Fez. And I found it just a little annoying. Like when you go for a massage and the massage therapist talks through the whole thing. Hellooooo, I am here to RELAX, not talk to you. I don’t know you that well, and frankly, I am paying a lot of money for you to just give me an awesome massage and NOT talk to me.
It is likely Fez will become the regular instructor for this time slot, once the new studio opens. I will probably continue to take his class, because there was something he said that I really liked. He shared that he was a cancer survivor. Prior to treatment he had been at a pretty highly developed level with his yoga practice. After treatment was done, he had lost a lot of his drive and ability to practice at that level. His instructor advised him that he needed to be gentle with himself, and that sometimes it is when you find the middle of your ability that you find the greatest opportunity for healing. You can see the outer or upper edge of your ability, but you don’t push to get there. You work in the middle, and heal.
And I really appreciated that. Sometimes the whole idea of constantly growing, pushing, challenging is EXHAUSTING. I want to do X, whatever X is – yoga, singing, working, what have you, but there are times when the status quo, the place where I am comfortable and NOT challenging myself to grow, change, be more, is JUST FINE BY ME. Sometimes you need to just be in the middle, and be. To heal, to enjoy feeling a level of expertise at whatever I am doing, to feel competent for a moment. Most of my life is spent feeling like I am catching up, learning or just plain making it up as I go. I like the idea of working where I feel competent for a little while. So I thank Fez for pointing that out and giving me permission to give myself a break once and awhile.