Warning: Conversation with a 5 year old boy who was in the bath tub is about to be relived….in 3…2…1
Cooper, sitting in the tub, having a conversation with me about zombies (he doesn’t like them, doesn’t understand why anyone in their right mind WOULD like them and doesn’t understand why there are so many TV shows and movies about them), the movie ParaNorman, which isn’t even out yet, but we can tell you what the movie is about (ZOMBIES!), even quote the commercial for you (“Turns a weirdo into a hero…”), and other such business, says to me “Hey! I found a ball!”
I look down to see him with his hand you know where, playing with you know what. “Uh huh. Actually, you should find two” says I. WHY? Why do I say these things…
Cooper feels around some more. “Oh yeah, there’s the other one. That’s where my pee comes from.”
And of course, because I am all about accuracy when it comes to biological functions, my stupid mouth says “Well no, they don’t make pee. Your kidneys make pee” before my brain catches up and says JUST LET HIM THINK THAT. What harm could come of it. It will be months, perhaps YEARS if you are lucky, before someone at school will hear him make this statement, and then tell him it is where babies come from. JUST STOP TALKING. But no, my mouth spoke before my brain could stop it.
“What are they for then” inquires my child.
Hmmm…strumming fingers on the sink…what to do, what to do….I turn, lean over to the bathroom door, and call down to The Bob. “Your son wants to know what those are used for” after describing the preceding 30 seconds of conversation. “I don’t own any, so you get to field this one.” I am nothing if not generous with dealing with awkward conversations.
“For hanging out” says The Bob. For hanging out. As good an answer as any.